Case File: Saint Nick

On the morning of January 27, the famous Saint Nicholas was found stuffed inside of his chimney, dead.

You can already imagine — Santa Claus’ Death: The Biggest Global Childhood Delusion. The tragedy of the Motherfucking Year.

Except, we’re currently only a week in and Vancouver police have plenty of qualms about letting Santa Claus wind up on Buzzfeed Unsolved.